There is a silent stillness at the center of things, and lately that is where I want to be.
The forest outside my window is evergreen, but sleeping. I can feel the slumber through the soles of my feet when I stand barefoot in the mud. The occasional bird chirp comes through the air like a cry from a child in the middle of the night. Out of place, hushed quickly, so all may settle back into the darkness.
Only the wind comes to shake us all up, and as each sunset inches us closer to spring it as if the very air is coming through to say, ‘wake up, wake up!’
But we aren’t ready yet.
In this dark and quiet season it feels very out of place to be learning the self-employment hustle, and in many ways, I am being met with limitations at all turns. I fret and moan and worry about what impact the slowness is having on my bank account, but only through writing this do I realize maybe I am only being told that this is not the season for hustle, this is the season for sleep and listening.
This Week in Books
I recently received a copy of Lightworker Training, by the lovely and ever-inspiring Tatiana Sakurai. I’ve been working with Tatiana for the past few months in private sessions and the work has been transformative.
I started reading the book in bed a few nights ago and was blown. away. Tatiana’s simple explanations of energy, presence, attention, meditation, breath and the sacred broke down into the most elemental pieces all of the spiritual work, magical practices and ritual I’ve been trying on for size all these years. I felt like I could see exactly what I have been trying to do all along (be present and at one with myself/spirit, and to cleanse my energetic body of sticky residual leftovers and attachments) and just how each of the techniques I’ve used was working or what it was trying to do.
It is as if I have been trying to use complicated recipe books all my life and someone came along and said, this is how heat works, this is how water interacts with oil, this is when to put the top on the pot and when to take it off. It doesn’t cancel out those fancy recipes but it gives a baseline understanding of what is going on within them.
I have concurrently been coming to some intense understandings of the effect trauma has on my relationships and Tatiana’s book was instrumental in helping me understand just what is going on in my body when I get triggered, and what to do about it.
I can’t recommend Tatiana, her work or her book highly enough. Go Tatiana! Congrats on your book baby being born!
I’ve also finished reading Saxons, Vikings and Celts: The Genetic Roots of Britain and Ireland by Bryan Sykes. I read this as research on one of my ancestral lines, my father’s mother, whose people were settler colonizers in the southern U.S. but came from England.
I’m currently taking the online Ancestral Lineage Healing training with Daniel Foor, whose method is centered around animism and direct contact with the ancestors (through trance, dreams, intuition, etc); but historical research is helpful to flesh out the picture. I will admit I knew very little about the history of the British Isles before I started this research. I knew just enough to be frankly embarrassed to be descended from the kind of brutal people who could subjugate Scotland, Ireland, India, the Americas, much of Africa, the Caribbean, on and on. I wanted badly to be descended from the ‘good guys’, whoever they were, but my DNA tests show over 50% English so here we are.
Turns out the people of the British Isles were subjected to hundreds of years of exactly the same kind of invasions, persecutions, genocide, and occupation that the ‘British Empire’ perpetrated on the rest of the world. Really makes you think about the effect abuse can have on turning the victim into the abuser. Turns the whole good guys/bad guys thing on its side, too. While still leaving the horrifying reality of British colonial impact.
I read a lot of dry academic material on the history but this book by Bryan Sykes has been my favorite, hands down. He’s a geneticist who conducted a DNA survey of people in England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales in an attempt to reveal how many folks are descended from the ‘original’ British (in his definition the Celts, although there were people there before the Celts), the Romans, the Saxons and the Vikings. He’s an engaging writer, throwing enough history in to give juicy context and enough scientific explanation of blood types and DNA testing to have it all make sense, without ever losing the attention of the reader.
In closing, here is a lovely poem by Tom Hirons, which I was gratefully reminded of this week.